Do you always sabotage your relationships? Well, this article is for you. We have highlighted 5 reasons why people sabotage their own relationships.
But before we explore these reasons, I will tell you what it means to sabotage your relationships.
Sabotaging a relationship is when you adopt attitudes or behaviors that block your relationship from succeeding. In all cases all these attitudes or behaviors are justifiable. The question is, are they that serious?
While we do not advocate pursuing a relationship that you feel will not lead to anything great, we do not advocate leaving a relationship the minute you fear the worst may happen. Sometimes it is your trauma manifesting itself in real life.
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There are good people out here who deserve a second chance. Not everyone is coming to ruin your life. With that being said, let’s look at the reasons why you always sabotage your relationships;
1. You Sabotage Your Relationships Because Of Trauma
sometimes your trauma makes you sabotage your own relationships. This is sad because we do not choose our traumas, yet they cost us some possible good relationships.
The traumas may be from your childhood. If you grew up in an abusive and toxic family, your idea of how love should be may be damaged. When you get a person who loves you differently you pull away because to you that is not love.
Another source of trauma that can make you sabotage your relationship is relationship trauma. This is when you have previously been in a toxic relationship.
The thing about leaving a toxic relationship is you begin to see the red flag from a distance. Sometimes you begin to see the red in the green flags to protect your heart. I mean nobody would want to deliberately get themselves into a toxic relationship again.
Just because your ex was a terrible person it doesn’t mean everyone else is bad. No, not all men are dogs and not all women are h*es. It is possible to find love again.
Therapy is advisable to help you deal with your traumas. Traumas don’t cause physical pain, but they bring about painful losses. Even when it doesn’t hurt after a relationship ends, seek therapy.
Those lessons you think your ex taught you, may be good but they also may be trauma manifesting itself disguised in life lessons.
2. You Sabotage Your Relationships Because You Have Low-Self Esteem
Low self-esteem can also be the reason why you always sabotage your relationships. I recently came across the term, ‘High functioning low self-esteem. Here is where you have low self-esteem but you are going on with your life just fine.
The thing with low self-esteem is it makes you doubt your worth. You feel as though you do not deserve that person or that kind of love. Social media and the couple goals culture have immensely contributed to low self-esteem among many people.
When someone comes into your life and tries to treat you well, you automatically think that you don’t deserve it. You think because you do not look like your favorite influencer, you do not deserve the kind of love they are getting. Well, you should know that some of these couple goals influencers are doing for show only.
Honey, you are beautiful and you deserve that person. You deserve to be treated right and you deserve that kind of love. Take it!
3. You Sabotage Your Relationships To Escape Responsibilities
Heard of the phrase, relationships work? Oh yes, they are. Kindly don’t listen to these love gurus who tell you, ‘If it feels like work, that’s not it.”
Relationships do not just flow. Do not get caught up in this, ‘let it flow to see where it goes’ shenanigans. That relationship is going straight to the cliff.
Some people find reasons to end their relationships just when the responsibilities start to increase. Sometimes these responsibilities do not involve directly doing things for the other person. Most times these responsibilities include doing things you wouldn’t do if you were single.
Things like, hanging out in certain places or letting someone know your plans for the week or two.
Listen, even if you end this relationship because of such responsibilities. Remember your next relationship will require some responsibilities from you.
You cannot be ending relationships every time you are needed to compromise. Unless you want to be a serial dater for the rest of your life.
4. High Expectations
As we get into the dating scene kindly keep in mind that we are dating fellow human beings not angels from Heaven. Some people have these high and unrealistic expectations from their partners and when those expectations are not met, they end that relationship.
I am not advocating for anyone to get into a relationship without any expectations. All I am saying is, let them be realistic.
And if your partner does not meet certain expectations you have, teach them with love. For some expectations though, you will have to learn the art of compromise.
5. You Sabotage Your Relationship because Are Not Really Into Them
The most common reason you may sabotage your relationships is that you are not that into them. I strongly believe that if you are into a person you will do anything to keep them.
I always advise against leading people on. The moment you are convinced you don’t see a future with them, do not get into a relationship with them. Let me know, respectfully, that you cannot be with them.
The pain of rejection is far much better than the pain of wasted time and wasted emotions.
We have come to the end of this article. If you relate to any of these reasons why you sabotage your relationships, I pray you work on them. Relationships are beautiful and we all deserve some good loving. I wish you the best of luck as you work on yourself and may you find genuine love.