You Are Not In Love

How Do You Know You Are Not In Love With Someone?

There is a thin line between being genuinely in love and being selfishly in love. Unfortunately in most relationships today people are in them for selfish reasons. The interesting thing is you may not even be aware that you are being selfish in the relationship.

Here are a few things that if you find yourself doing, know you are being selfish and you are not truly in love with them.

1. You push them to change

We all have those qualities we are looking for in our future romantic partners. By the way, I hope by now we know that you cannot find a partner who checks all your boxes. Know your non-negotiables, and if the rest of the items in your checklist are at least 75%, give them a chance.

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I have an issue with people who want to pick a miss/Mr. left and bring them to the right? Why would you want to put yourself through that? Do you really have the time?

why would you pick someone’s child and push them to be extroverts yet they are introverts? you want them to lose weight, change their skin color, and probably change where they come from if they can.

If you find yourself doing this, and I will say with lots of love, you are a selfish and terrible person. The only reason you want them to change is to satisfy your ego.

It is so much easier to go out there and find someone you like, leave the others to find their ribs. Don’t you see how many people’s destinies you are blocking by picking the wrong one?! Yourself, your partners, their right person, and your right person?

2. You are not willing to compromise

Relationships require lots of communication and maturity. I know this point kind of dismisses the first point. But as I said earlier it is almost important to find someone who will at least check 75% of your checklist. Trust me, you do not check all their boxes either. Yeah, let this sink in before you go acting like your partner won a trophy, that is you.

Every person brings in their whole self in the relationship. Therefore it is wise to have conversations about things that may threaten your relationship and work on changing them.

3. You Do Not Support Their Dreams

Woke and mature people are the majority victims of not supporting their partner’s dreams and goals, even when they do not realize it most of the time.

When we are dreaming of the future we want for ourselves, we are barely thinking of anyone else. We just assume that those people will come and fit perfectly into our lives. I have heard conversations with people who say that they are getting their lives in order before they marry. So, when they finally find a partner, he or she is the last piece of their puzzle.

When you get married, you have certain expectations for your partner. Those who provide for everything will expect their partners to stay at home and take care of the kids. s,o when they want to advance their skills or education you shut it down immediately. I mean if they are taken care of, what else who they want?

Listen, it is selfish to want to control anyone’s life. People have dreams and aspirations just like you.

4. You Lie To Them

Can we agree to stop this bullshit, of saying,” I could not tell it to you,’ I was scared I would lose or hurt you?

Bitch please, the only reason why you lie or hide the truth (lie by omission) is to manipulate that person. If you truly love a person, you will tell them the truth no matter how hard it is, or even if you lose them. At least with the truth, they will make a decision for themselves. But when you conceal the truth, you kind of make a decision for them and that will not turn out good.

It is better to lose them sooner than later when a lot of damage has been done and a lot of years wasted.

5. You Do Not Listen Or Pay Attention To Them

There are some people out here who amaze me. They run their relationships the way they want; they do not pay attention or care about partners. That is so selfish.

It is wise not to put your needs before the needs of your partner. Listen to them and also pay attention to what they are not saying, but still communicating.

6. You Use Them As Rebound

When you are from a relationship that really hurt you, I would advise you to get yourself together before you move on with another person. Remember hurt people, hurt people.

When you move into a new relationship without getting over your ex, you are not doing it for love. You are just a person to hold you and wipe your tears when you are feeling sad.

I have seen someone date a person without getting over their ex, only to dump their new girlfriends a month later. Being very apologetic because he finally realized that his ex is the love of his life and they have decided to give it another chance.

That was unnecessary and selfish.  He could have used that month to cry and learn a few break-up songs. But instead, he chose to break an innocent heart.

In conclusion

Let them go, If you find out you are keeping someone for selfish reasons. Have an honest conversation with them on why you have to let them go. They would rather be hurt by the truth than be happy with lies.

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